Sawin' Wood

I WONDERED wot was doin'. First I seenOle Missus Flood wave signals to Doreen.I'm in the paddick slashin' down some ferns;She's comin' up the road; an' if she turnsAn 'andspring I won't be su'prised a bit,The way she's caperin', an' goin' it.

She yells out some remark when she gets near,Which I don't catch, I'm too fur off to 'ear.An' then Doreen comes prancin' to our door,An' Missus Flood she sprints, an' yells some more;My wife runs to the gate an' waves 'er arms. . . .But I lays low; I'm used to these alarms.

A marri'd bloke, in time, 'e learns a bit;An' 'e ain't over keen to throw a fitEach time the women calls the fire-reel out.It's jist a trifle 'e'll know all aboutWhen things get normal. That's a point I learn;So I saws wood, an' keeps on cuttin' fern.

At least, I cut a few. I got to giveReel fac's, an' own I was inquisitive;An' these 'ere fireworks gets me fair perplexed.I watch the 'ouse to see wot 'appens next;But nothin's doin'. They jist goes on in,An' leaves me wonderin' wot's caused the din.

I stands it for a full 'arf-hour or more;Then gets dead sick uv starin' at the door.I goes down to the 'ouse an' 'unts aboutTo find some 'baccer, which I 'ave no doubtIs in me trousers pocket all the while.When I goes in, the talk stops, an' they smile.

I sez I've lost me smoke, an' search a bit,An' ask Doreen wot 'as became uv it,An' turns the mantelshelf all upside-down,An' looks inside the teapot, with a frown;Then gives it up, an' owns I'd like a drink;When Missus Flood sez, "Bill, wot do you think?"

Now, ain't that like a woman? Spare me days,I'll never get resigned to all their ways.When they 'as news to tell they smile, an' wink,An' bottle it, an' ask yeh wot yeh think.It's jist a silly game uv theirs, an' so,I gives the countersign: "Wot? I dunno."

"Then guess," she sez. Well, I'm a patient bloke,So I sits down an' starts to cut a smoke.(To play this game yeh've got to persevere.)"Couldn't," I sez, "if I guessed for a year";Then lights me pipe, an' waits for 'er to speak.At last she sez, "Jim's comin' back next week!"

"Go on," sez I; an' puffs away awhileQuite unconcerned. But for to see 'er smileWas jist a treat: 'er eyes was shinin' bright,An' she'd grow'd ten years younger in a night.Jist 'ere, Doreen she sez to me, "Good Lor,Wot do yeh want two plugs uv 'baccer for?"

I takes me pipe out uv me mouth an' stares,An' stammers, "Must 'ave found a piece—somewheres."But, by the way she smiles—so extra sweet—I know she twigs me game, an' I am beat."Fancy," she sez. "Yeh're absent-minded, dear.Sure there was nothin' else yeh wanted 'ere?"

"Nothin'," I sez, an' feels a first-prize fool;An' goes outside, an' grabs the nearest tool.It was the crosscut; so I works like madTo keep me self-respeck from goin' bad."This game," I tells meself, "will do yeh good.You ain't proficient, yet, at sawin' wood."