How a Girl Was Too Reckless of Grammar by Far

Matilda Maud Mackenziefrankly hadn’t any chin,Her hands were rough, her feet sheturned invariably in;Her general form was German,By which I mean that youHer waist could not determineTo within a foot or two:And not only did she stammer,But she used the kind of grammarThat is called, for sake of euphony, askew.

From what I say about her,don’t imagine I desireA prejudice against thisworthy creature to inspire.She was willing, she was active,She was sober, she was kind,But she never looked attractiveAnd she hadn’t any mind!I knew her more than slightly,And I treated her politelyWhen I met her, but of course I wasn’t blind!

Matilda Maud Mackenziehad a habit that was droll,She spent her morning seatedon a rock or on a knoll,And threw with much composureA smallish rubber ballAt an inoffensive osierBy a little waterfall;But Matilda’s way of throwingWas like other people’s mowing,And she never hit the willow-tree at all!

One day as Miss Mackenziewith uncommon ardor triedTo hit the mark, the missileflew exceptionally wide,And, before her eyes astounded,On a fallen maple’s trunkRicochetted, and reboundedIn the rivulet, and sunk!Matilda, greatly frightened,In her grammar unenlightened,Remarked: “Well now I ast yer!Who’d ’er thunk?”

But what a marvel followed!From the pool at once there roseA frog, the sphere of rubberbalanced deftly on his nose.He beheld her fright and frenzy,And, her panic to dispel,On his knee by Miss MackenzieHe obsequiously fell.With quite as much decorumAs a speaker in a forumHe started in his history to tell.

“Fair maid,” he said, “I beg youdo not hesitate or wince,If you’ll promise that you’ll wed me,I’ll at once become a prince;For a fairy, old and vicious,An enchantment round me spun!”Then he looked up, unsuspicious,And he saw what he had won,And in terms of sad reproach, heMade some comments, sotto voce,(Which the publishers have bidden me to shun!)

Matilda Maud Mackenziesaid, as if she meant to scold:“I never! Why, you forward thing!Now ain’t you awful bold!”Just a glance he paused to give her,And his head was seen to clutch,Then he darted to the river,And he dived to beat the Dutch!While the wrathful maiden panted:“I don’t think he was enchanted!”(And he really didn’t look it overmuch!)

The Moral: In one’s language one conserva-tive should be:Speech is silver, and it never should be free!