The Unusual Ubiquity of the Inquisitive Gander

A gander dwelt upon a farmAnd no one could resist him,For had he died, such was his charm,His neighbors would have missed him:His scorn for any loud display,His cheerful hissing day by day,Would win your heart in such a wayYou almost could have kissed him.

This bird was always nosing ’round.Most patiently he waitedUntil an open door he found,And then investigated.He loved to poke, he loved to peek,In every knothole, so to speak,He quickly thrust his prying beak,For what was hid he hated.

The farm exhausted: “Now,” said he:“My policy’s expansion.When one’s convinced how things should beThe proper course he can’t shun.”His mind made up, he followed it,Relying on his native wit,And soon had wandered, bit by bit,Through all his master’s mansion

“At least,” he said: “It’s not my faultIf everything’s not seen to:I’ve gone from garret down to vaultAnd glanced into the lean-to.In every room I’ve chanced to stop;A supervising glance to drop,I’ve looked below, I’ve looked on top,Behind, and in between too!”

One thing alone he found to blame,As thus his time he squandered,For, seeing not the farmer’s dame,Into her room he wandered,And mounting nimbly on the bed:“Why bless my careful soul!” he said:“These pillows are as hard as lead.Now, how comes that?” he pondered.

The farmer’s dame for half an hourHad watched the bird meander,And finding him within her power,She leaped upon the gander.“Why, how de do, my gander coy?”She shouted: “What will be my joyTo dream to-night on you, my boy!”(This was no baseless slander.)

For with a stoutish piece of stringSecurely was this fool tied,And by a leg and by a wingUnto an oaken stool tied:While, pinning towels around her gown,She plucked him with relentless frown,And stuffed the pillows with his down,And roasted him for Yuletide.

The moral is: When you exploreDon’t try to be superior:Be cautious, and retire beforeYour safety grows inferior.’Tis best to stay upon the coast,Or some day you will be like mostOf all that bold exploring hostThat’s gone to the interior.