When I First Put this Uniform On

WHEN I first put this uniform on,I said, as I looked in the glass,"It's one to a millionThat any civilianMy figure and form will surpass.Gold lace has a charm for the fair,And I've plenty of that, and to spare,While a lover's professions,When uttered in Hessians,Are eloquent everywhere!"A fact that I counted upon,When I first put this uniform on!

I said, when I first put it on,"It is plain to the veriest dunceThat every beautyWill feel it her dutyTo yield to its glamour at once.They will see that I'm freely gold-lacedIn a uniform handsome and chaste"—But the peripateticsOf long-haired æsthetics,Are very much more to their taste—Which I never counted uponWhen I first put this uniform on!