The Oozlum Bird

It was on the DiamantinaWhere the alligators grow,And the natives' allegationsAin't particularly slow.He was old and he was ugly,He was dirty, he was low;He could lie like Ananias,And they called him “Ginger Joe.”

He was wood-and-water joeyAt the “Jackeroo's Retreat,”Where the swagmen and the shearersAnd the bound'ry riders meet;And he'd pitch 'em lots of “fairies,”But the best I ever heardWas McPherson's trip to SydneyOn the famous Oozlum Bird!

“You can talk about yer racehorseAnd the pace as he can go,But it just amounts to crawlin',Nothink else!” said Ginger Joe.“And these cycle blokes with pacers,You can take my bloomin' word,They're a funeral processionTo the blinded Oozlum Bird!

“Do yez know Marengo station?It's away beyond the Peak,Over sixty miles from BirdsvilleAs you go to Cooper's Creek,Which the blacks call Kallokoopah,And they tell you that Lake EyreWas one time an inland ocean.Well, the Oozlum Bird is there!

“Bet yer boots it ain't no chicken,It's as big and wide acrossAs the bird what beats the steamships,What's it called? The albatross!That's the bird! And old King MulgaUsed to tell the boys and meThey were there when Central 'StraliaWas a roarin' inland sea!

“I was cook at old MarengoWhen McTavish had the run,And his missus died and left himWith a boy — the only one.Jock McPherson was his nephew,Lately came from Scotland, too,Been sent out to get “experience”As a kind of Jackeroo!

“Well, this kid of old McTavishWas a daisy. Strike me blue!There was nothing, that was mischief,That the kiddy would n't do!But he was a kindly kinchenAnd a reg'lar little brick,And we all felt mighty sorryWhen we heard that he was sick!

But, McTavish! Well, I reckonI am something on the swear,But I never heard sich languageAs McTavish uttered there;For he cursed the blessed country,And the cattle and the sheep,And the station-hands and shearersTill yer blinded flesh would creep!

“It was something like a feverThat the little bloke had got,And McTavish he remembered(When he'd cursed and swore a lot),That a chemist down in SydneyHad a special kind of stuffWhich would cure the kiddy's feverIn a jiffy, right enough!

“So he sends me into BirdsvilleOn the fastest horse we had,And I has to wire to SydneyFor the medsin for the lad.They would send it by the railway,And by special pack from Bourke;It would take a week to do itAnd be mighty slippery work.

“Well, I gallops into BirdsvilleAnd I sends the wire all right;And I looks around the township,Meanin' stopping for the night.I was waitin' in the bar-room —This same bar-room — for a drinkWhen a wire comes from McPherson,And from Sydney! Strike me pink!

“I had left him at MarengoOn the morning of that day!He was talking to McTavishAt the time I came away!And yet here's a wire from Sydney!And it says: ‘Got here all right.Got the medsin. Am just leaving.Will be home again to-night!'

“Well, I thought I had the jim-jams,Yes, I did; for, spare me days!How in thunder had McPhersonGot to Sydney, anyways?But he'd got there, that was certain,For the wire was plain and clear.I could never guess conundrums,So I had another beer.

“In the morning, bright and early,I was out and saddled up,And away to break the recordOf old Carbine for the Cup.And I made that cuddy gallopAs he'd never done before;And, so-help-me-bob, McPhersonWas there waiting at the door!

“And the kid was right as ninepence,Sleepin' peaceful in his bunk,And McTavish that delightedHe'd made everybody drunk!And McPherson says: ‘Well, Ginger,You did pretty well, I heard;But you must admit you're beaten,Joe — I rode the Oozlum Bird!'

“Said he'd often studied scienceLong before he'd came out here,And he'd struck a sort of notion,Which you'll think is mighty queer —That the earth rolls round to eastwardAnd that birds, by rising high,Might just stop and travel westward,While the earth was rolling by!

“So he saddled up the Oozlum,Rose some miles above the plain,Let the Earth turn underneath himTill he spotted the Domain!Then came down, and walked up George-street,Got the stuff and wired to me;Rose again and reached MarengoJust as easy as could be!

“ ‘But,' says I, ‘if you went westwardJust as simple as you say,How did you get back?' He answered:‘Oh, I came the other way!'So in six-and-twenty hours,Take the yarn for what it's worth,Jock McPherson and the OozlumHad been all around the earth!

“It's a curious bird, the Oozlum,And a bird that's mighty wise,For it always flies tail-first toKeep the dust out of its eyes!And I heard that since McPhersonDid that famous record ride,They won't let a man get near 'em,Couldn't catch one if you tried!

“If you don't believe the story,And some people don't, yer know;Why the blinded map'll prove it,Strike me fat!” said Ginger Joe.“Look along the Queensland border,On the South Australian side,There's this township! christened Birdsville,'Cause of Jock McPherson's ride!